My search for a VP

“You said that you needed to talk to me, Jon?”

It was Jan the Intergalactic Aviator. And she was wearing one ridiculous outfit.

“I wanted to ask you to be my running mate,” I said. “You might want to change your wardrobe a bit though.”

“Very funny there, Groucho,” she muttered back. “What do you mean you want me to be your running mate?”

“I’m running for president.”

“Of what, the Three Stooges Fan Club?” she asked.

“Who’s the comedian now?” I replied. “No, I’m running for president of the United States and I want you to be my vice president.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I’m serious,” I insisted.

“Why me?”

“I think you’re competent,” I said. “You’re good at what you do, you’re smart, and you’ve saved the Earth, what, four times now?”

“Five, not that anyone on Earth even knows,” she smiled. “There’s something else here. Why are you really asking me?”

“I told you why,” I said. “I think you’re a great choice for VP.”

“No, really.”

“I’m serious,” I insisted. “I need a strong partner on this ticket. Do you see what I’m running against?”

“Wait a minute, I know why you want me to run,” she nodded knowingly. “It’s because Dr. Zaius has that lesbian running mate, isn’t it?”

“What? I’m shocked that you’d say that!” I said with a shocked tone in my voice.

“Right. I’m going to have to say no.”

“What? Aw come on, why not?”

“Look, I’ve got too much on my plate already,” Jan answered. “I’m already competing in this World Stop Hero Challenge or whatever the frack it’s called and I’m still trying to recoup my losses from that stupid adventure I had with that idiot Bandit.”

“Oh yeah,” I said. “I read about that.”

“Right. So read my lips: no. I do not want to be your running mate. I do not want to be a part of this race. I do not want you using me to try to get the hot lesbian vote, not that I am one, not that there’s anything wrong with it. I don’t want to be vice president.”

OK, back to the drawing board.