Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Before we were interupted


“Private Hudson, you are hereby ordered to go back to your unit and never speak of this mission again,” Admiral Victor Pug ordered.

What?

“Excuse me, sir,” I managed to blurt out. “Did you just tell me to go?”

“Clearly the Private doesn’t want to go,” General Patent chuckled gruffly. “If you want, we can keep you here and discuss a different, more severe punishment.”

“No sir,” I answered. “I’ll gladly go back to my old squad.”

“Here’s the deal, Private,” General Sinclair Sheridan announced. “Though this mission was clearly illegal, Her Majesty already made a public announcement of its success. We, the Joint Chiefs, are over the proverbial barrel.”

“The action occurred,” General H. TuTrotte continued. “The details of which will forever remain classified, but we must acknowledge that it did actually happen. Therefore, you are hereby ordered to go back to your old unit and never acknowledge your knowledge of this mission.”

“Yes ma’am,” I said.

“One last thing, Marine,” Admiral Pug said. “Because of the nature of this mission, we can never fully award you for its successful completion. We can, however, award you this Certificate of Achievement.”

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Awesome. that’s so cool. On top of that, because it’s a certificate of achievement, it’s worth 3 promotion points. When I become a corporal, that’ll be 3 points closer to sergeant.

15 comments:

Rick Anonymi said...

Always reach for the stars. But don't touch them, as they can easily destroy you.

Master Yoda said...

Acknowledge your knowledge of this mission you can not, but acknowledge your knowledge that acknowledge your knowledge of the mission you can not, can you?

Professor Xavier said...

That certificate is truly impressive. I wonder if they give them to civilians? It would like perfect in my study next to my award for excellence in personal hygene.

Vampirella said...

cool certi

Wedge Antillies said...

Dude, I got, like, five of those things in a storage box. The rebel leaders used to give them out instead of pay. If you don't get a ribbon, or a medal, or something to really show off, then it is not really worth it.

Heck, at least ask for a toaster or a coffee mug.

flu said...

Hey, Hudson, see if they're done with their proverbial barrel, would ya?

I'd like to use it for bobbin' apples over here at the BB:Naboo house

Gyrobo said...

Coincidentally, I received a similar medal for secret work done on the interplanetary tunnel between the Earth and Mars. We hope to have it operational by 2011, just in time to evacuate before Armageddon.

Son Goku said...

I sent away ten ceral box tops and got one similar to that

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Rick, that's the best advice I've gotten all day.

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

I have one for perfect attendance at the battle of Geonosis and one for good citizenship from school on Kiamino

Professor Xavier said...

How's this for advice? If Captain America throws his shield at your head - duck.

Professor Xavier said...

And if you see the Blob eating a dozen Taco Bell Beef and Potato Buritoes, get out of the room mui rapdio.

Professor Xavier said...

And if you see that twinkle in Vampirella's eye that tells you she's hungry, run. Unless of course you want a really interesting experience.

JawaJuice said...

Soooo...am I suppose to forget everything that happened too?

*files a few photos away for safe keeping*

Private Hudson said...

Are any of those photos of Huxley? I'm willing to pay good money for those.