Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Jon's 200th post spectacular

Art Linklighter: Welcome to Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator's 200th Post Spectacular. With special guest, Private Hudson! The Intergalactic Gladiator Dancers! Plus a very special guest! And now... heeeeere's Johnny!

[Camera shows Jon and Hudson sitting on stools]

Jon: Thanks, Art. Perhaps after that intro, you should speak with the copyright lawyer.

Art: Will do, Jon!

Jon: So, Private Hudson, we were just about to speak of your own exciting adventure here.

Private Hudson: That's right, Jon. You were off on Big Brother: Naboo, and it was up to me to hold down the fort, in a manner of speaking.

Jon: Right. And it all started with you being called before the Comandant of the Colonial Marine Corps.

Private Hudson: Right. General Puller. And he layed into me with a string of expletives that would make a Orwellian longshoreman blush. But then he frocked me to corporal and gave me a secret mission to perform.

Jon: You and he picked a squad, trained, and went on a mission to steal space gold from Baltizar, one of Galactor's middle managers.

Hudson: Things got complicated when Private Maggot cracked, then Baltizar kidnapped Officer Huxley.

Jon: Is that where you soiled yourself?

Hudson: No. It was sweat.

Jon: Right.

Hudson: Really.

Jon: And so, you chased Baltizar to the rooftop where you apprehended him.

Hudson: That's right. I got the bad guy and I got the girl.

Jon: So where is Huxley?

Hudson: Well, I had to let her go. Women don't understand me. I'm a loner, a rebel.

Jon: Unfortunately, you yourself were apprehended and taken to the Joint Chiefs.

Hudson: Which I walked away from, squeaky clean, and with a brand new Certificate of Appreciation.

Jon: Well, that was exciting, but we have something even more exciting for everyone.

Hudson: Wow! Say what could that be, Jon?

Jon: You'll see, right after this.

[The Intergalactic Gladiator Dancers come out and dance a routine]

Jon: That was great wasn't it?

Hudson: Wow, that one redhead had really great, uh, legs

Jon: Right, but now we have our own very special guest, from her flagship Galaxy One, Queen Galacta!

[Applause, Queen Galacta appears on the viewscreen behind the two]

Queen Galacta: Gladiator, We are very happy to see you again.

Jon: It's great to see you, too.

Hudson: Hey, it's great to see you, too.

[Queen Galacta rolls her eyes]

Queen Galacta: Yes, it is good to see you, too, Hudson.

Jon: You also got to visit here three times yourself.

Queen Galacta: Indeed, Gladiator. Of course, I am very busy, but I read your adventures every morning. We are very happy for the opportunity to appear here as well.

Jon: Thank you, your Majesty. We are very happy to have you here as well. Queen Galacta everybody.

[The image fades out to the applause of the audience]

Jon: You know Hudson. We've had a lot happen around here and there's only one thing left for us to do.

Hudson: And what's that Jon?

Jon: We have to sing!

Hudson: You got it!

We've had some fun
We've had some thrills
We've had some kicks, some chills, some spills
I never would have gotten through it without you, my friend
I never would have made to the end
I never would have gotten through it without you, my bud
It would have gone off like an unexploded dud

Hey! Who are you calling a dud?
Not you, my friend.

We've had some pows
We've had some booms
We've had some whams, ottomatepias and some oofs
I never would have gotten through it without you, my chum
An awful big mess, it would've become
I never would have made it without you, my friend
I never would have made it without my M41A Pulse Rifle, with 95 rounds in the clip, an over-and-under thirty millimeter pump action grenade launcher. It electronically fires 10 X 24 mm caseless cartridge rounds and has a compass in the stock. What?

[together] I never would have made it, never would have made it, with... out... youuuuuuuuuu!

Jon: Thanks everybody and goodnight!

Art: Jon's 200th Post Spectacular was brought to you by the IGE Network, Buzz Light beer, and the Naboo Naboo, Naboo tourism board. Naboo Naboo, Naboo, the city so nice they named it thrice.


Anonymous said...

wow... oh by the way you have email :)

Wedge Antillies said...

That was great. I was fully entertained and informed. Like reading 'People' but not inthe bathroom!

Master Yoda said...

The Jon/Hudson duet I enjoyed. Cher, which one was, and Sonny, which one was?

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Congrats on your 200th post! I am saddened to inform you that due to your singing many Bothans died.


Gyrobo said...

Infinitely more entertaining than the History Channel.

Speaking of infinity, the slogan array must be extended beyond all proportions... the 1,683 we have right now are sufficient... but we won't be able to stave off the Armada Automata with any less than 10,000! The machines must be stopped! Only the hybrids can survive!

*Beep! Beep! Beep!*

Karnov said...

Candygram for Mongo.

Son Goku said...

Nice song you twobut my ears started bledding evrey time Hudson sang is that normal?

turboslut said...

A very heartwarming song.

Just wanted to let you know that I have changed my blog address to : http://theramblingsofturboslut.blogspot.com Hopefully, I can now blog more freely.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

AOC, you can't swing a dead cat without killing a dozen bothans.

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

*claps* lovely show, Jon, and congrats on 200!

Professor Xavier said...

I don't think you would have had a copyright problem if the announced had simply said "Heeeerree's Jonny!", instead of "Heeeerreee's Johnny!"

JawaJuice said...

Congrats on your th post. That was a great show.
Especially when you and Hudson came out and started to make noises like a wounded wookiee in heat. That was….eh? What’s that? That was singing? Are you sure?