Thursday, March 16, 2006

Heading Towards Destiny

I was walking down the halls of IGE towards Dr. Destiny’s office. J’onn Sinew Nu set up the appointment with the company psychiatrist, and although I don’t really appreciate the insinuation that I might need psychiatric help (because I’m fine, really), I figure that if I just go, he says I’m OK and I get to leave.

I passed by Robo-T, he looked at me and stopped.

“You just got back from Big Brother: Naboo, didn’t you?” he asked.

“Yes I did.”

“Did you win?”

“Oh, I can’t tell you that,” I answered. “I signed a form.”

“You can tell me,” he stated flatly. “It would be illogical for me to tell anyone else. Do not be a sucker.”

“Nope. Sorry. Can’t.”

“I pity the fool who won’t tell me who won!” And with that, Robo-T stormed off.

I was almost to Destiny’s office when my old nemeses Abi the Butcher appeared in front of me.

“Tell me who won,” the monster growled.

“I can’t,” I answered. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen next, Abi isn’t the smartest apple in the barrel, plus he’s got a really short handle that he easily and frequently flies off of.

“Argh!” he howled. “Tell me or I will disintegrate another Monkeyboy!”

“OK,” I answered. “Go right ahead.”

Abi howled again, punched a hole in the wall and stalked off.

I walked into the doctor’s waiting room and sat down to read an issue of Galactic Geographic from four years ago. I looked up when the office door opened and Private Hudson stepped out.

“Hudson, you see Destiny, too?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “The Lieutenant thinks that I have issues. Gosh, he’s such a pogue.”

“You? Have problems?” I asked in mock awe.

“I know!” he answered. “He says I got some kind of bipolar thing or something.”

“Shocking!” I maintained my mock awe.

“I know!” he repeated. “Yeah, so I get to go in and talk to the doc once in a while. I can talk about guns, my job, my mom, you know whatever.”

“Do you talk about bugs?” I asked.

“No talky talky about the buggy buggy,” Hudson wagged his finger.

“Alright, heh,” I answered. “Hey, I understand why you’re here. I’m fine, but that snagnaar Sinew Nu sent me here.”

“You’re fine” Hudson snickered. “That’s funny.”


“Oh nothing,” he twittered. “Say, are people still bugging you about who won Big Brother?”

“Yeah, everyone,” I answered. “It’s starting to literally drive me up the proverbial wall.”

“I bet.”

We sat there silently for several minutes.

“So, you gonna tell me?”



Anonymous said...

I think ya shold go on the tonight show staring David letterman the IV and tell the whole galaxy.

Ya know he is a direct decendant of david letterman II and Oprah Jr

Jango Fett said...

Ever heard of Jay Leno the VI? Hes the new guy in the galaxy with a late night show.

Maybe he'll let you on and talk.

Karnov said...

You can tell him... he's your bestest friend.

Wedge Antillies said...

I smell a Catch 22 commin' this way.


Anonymous said...

I think he needs more to drink once he good and drunk we can find out

Karnov said...

"My shoe size is floatShoesize = intIQ * intAddress MOD + 12."

"I think he needs more to drink once he good and drunk we can find out" -vampirella

I think he needs more cowbell.

Gyrobo said...

Ha ha, that butcher! Ever since Diablo, he's been out to get us all!

That's why I keep meat outside my window at night, to ward him off. Attracts bears, though.