Thursday, October 13, 2005

I Hate Sidekicks, Part Seven

The place: The Horizon Ampitheater on one of the Fire Islands of Hacknor.

The combatants: Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator with Jo Jo the Monkeyboy versus Abi the Butcher.

It seemed just like the other matches. Abi got introduced and the crowd boos. I got introduced and the crowd cheers. Jo Jo gets introduced and the crowd is so quiet you can hear a pinbot drop.

Abi's reputation proceeds him, he is a maniacal and brutal combatant. It takes all that I can to avoid his attacks while still trying to keep him away from the Monkeyboy.

"Lemme at 'em!" Jo Jo rubs his thumb on his nose, then swings his fists around and around while hopping up and down. "I'm gonna give 'im what for!"

Abi and I trade blows, Abi almost lands a devistating blow on Jo Jo, but I knock the sidekick to the side.

"Ahhh! ooof, that smarts!" Jo Jo rubs his rear, but then he quickly jumped to his feet and started hopping around again.

"I smash you good!" Abi was never very eloquent. He started swinging wildly and he smacks me with a glancing blow, causing me to spin away. He follows up with a smash to Jo Jo and the Monkeyboy flies over my head and makes a wet smack onto the ground again.

I plant a solid kick on Abi and he tumbles over. From a hidden pocket in his gear, he pulls out a distintegrator pistol, causing his immediate disqualification.

Abi doesn't care. With a sneer, he aims the weapon at me and pulls the trigger. Energized light flashes towards me and I dive out of the way. The beam hits Jo Jo squarely in the face.
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"Howya doin' bwautttthhhhhhhh........................................." Jo Jo's voice echoes into nothing as his molecules scatter in all directions.

The crowd goes silent.

Horizon security guards tackle Abi and wrestle away the pistol.

The crowd still can't believe what happened. I can't believe what happened.

Abi is hauled off by the guards, his laughter reverberates through the corridor.

"I win, ha ha ha ha ha!"


flu said...

As I read of Jo Jo's untimely demise, I am stricken with mixed emotions...

...yep, mixed emotions...

of joy and happiness.

It's a joke, ok?

don't send me hate mail.

InterstellarLass said...

Oh no! Poor Jo Jo! Thanks for stopping by yesterday!

Chancellor Palpatine said...

Wow...vaporized. I would have just cleaved him in half with my lightsaber.

Leia said...

So sad. I bet you had fun drawing the little scribbles all over him, dint'cha?

Captain Typho said...

You know, I was kinda getting used to Jo Jo.

Master Yoda said...

To write an ode to Jo Jo, I made my Stupid Intern. Want to he did not, but with my cane I beat him until this he wrote:

Ode to Jo Jo
Where did you go, Jo Jo?
And did you know, Jo Jo
This, your last foe, Jo Jo
Would beat you so, Jo Jo?
You were too slow, Jo Jo.
Say it ain't so, Jo Jo.

*Sniff* Miss the little moron I will.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

What's this? Jo Jo is the real hero here!

Reintegrate him immediately!!

flu said...

Can a monkeyboy be reintegrated?

Karnov said...

"Wow...vaporized. I would have just cleaved him in half with my lightsaber."

I always kinda liked the fun one could have with Kivas Fajo's Varon T Disruptor