Tuesday, October 25, 2005

The Fight on Asteroid X

We were close to Asteroid X.

"The scopes aren't showing any life forms on the station," said the Beast looking into the scopes.

"I can't believe that the station is abandoned," I replied.

"It must be some sort of interference or energy shielding," deduced the Beast. "I have also been unable to contact The Professor on the space radio."

"I'm bringing the ship closer," said Cyclops, aiming the Danger Sled towards the outpost.

I looked out the viewport. "What is that thing? It looks like some kind of a weapon or antenna and it's pointed towards Earth."

Suddenly, we were passed by a dropship.

"We're on an express elevator to hell - going down!" Yelled someone over the radio.

"Who were those guys?" asked the Beast and Cyclops in unison.

"I don't like this," I replied. I remembered my last run-in with the Colonial Marines. I hope this doesn't turn into a mess like the last time.

We found a landing pad and set the ship down next to the drop ship. The Marines were already inside and they were yelling.

"Game over, man! Game over!" yelled one.

"Stop your grinnin' and drop your linen!" yelled another.

"Wait, we're on a bug hunt, where are the bugs?"

"They're here, the corporation said that they'd be here," said a corporate weasel.

"I believe that I understand their presence here," said the Beast, indicating to the Marines. "But you do not seem to belong with this group. Who are you?"

"I'm Burke, the corporation sent me. We have uh, interests on this asteroid," answered Burke.

"Wait a minute," I said pointing at him. "I know you, you're Paul Reiser. You've made a career out of playing annoying characters."

"Whu-whu-whu-What?" he asked.

"My Two Dads, Mad About You, the nerdy detective in Beverly Hills Cop. Is there a role that you've played where you weren't an insipid, whiny, stuttering nerd?"

"God, I hated My Two Dads," added Cyclops.

"Whu-whu-whu-wait, what about Diner?" he stammered, pressing himself against the door to the rest of the station. "I wasn't so nerdy in that!"

"Aw give us a break, newbie!" growled a Marine. "We have a job to do. Let's get in there and do it! I love the Corps! Every meal's a banquet, every formation's a parade!"

"Whu-whu-whu-wait," stammered Burke. "We have to AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

A Brood warrior burst through his chest and howled. More warriors poured out from the hole in the door behind what once was Burke. The Marines howled as well, firing wildly with their pulse rifles and smart guns. The sheer volume of gunfire ricocheting everywhere took down most of the warriors, but more were in the hole. Cyclops fired his optic blasts as well, and with his great strength and agility, Beast fought any of the ones that got close. I cleaved as many as I could with my Lasar Ax.

"Oh man, game over man, game over!!" yelled a Marine.

What's with that guy?

After thousands of rounds were expended, things grew quiet.

"Well, what do you think?" asked a Marine.

"It's quiet. Too quiet." said another.

We pressed forward into the command center. The Marines, surpisingly, kept their weapons silent. We found a control console and the Beast immediately took a look at the machine.

"Seems like the Shi'ar had this outpost here for centuries," the Beast said. They were using it as an observation post and laboratory. They were experimenting on the Brood, trying to wean out the most aggressive traits. "

"But why?" Cyclops asked.

"That is very unclear. Who could fathom what their motives were back then. The station has been abandoned for some time and I do not know what brought it back online. There was also some energy beam pointed at Earth, I have turned that off."

I looked at the readings on the monitor. "It appears that the beam was a carrier beacon, Brood warriors were beamed to Earth from here. But what about the Sentinel technology?" I asked.

"That is also unclear. I can't see how that could have been introduced, but it may have been introduced in an effort to track mutants on Earth. What kind of an evil are we up against?"

Suddenly, a roar was heard, everyone turned, stunned to see a Brood Queen somehow fused with a Sentinel body.

"That's..." gasped Cyclops.

"...Unbelievable." Continued the Beast.

"That is ugly on top of ugly," I said.

"G-g-g-game over..." a Marine barely choked out.

The hybrid creature howled again an started towards us, then we heard a metallic clang.

Whirr clang.

Whirr clang.

Whirr clang.

Whirr clang.

Whirr clang.

Whirrr clang!

Whirrr clang!

"Get away from them, you beee-yotch!"


Master Yoda said...

Been looking for a metallic battle robot suit like that, I have. But make one in my size they do not.

flu said...

It would've been much easier for the marines if there had only been some cardboard deck furniture around...

Captain Typho said...

"Get away from them, you beee-yotch!"

If I had a credit for every time I said that...

Professor Xavier said...

Well Burke doesn't sound like he was much of a lost. Hopefully Paul Reiser won't inflict any more insipid characters on us.

My telepathic powers have returned so that teleport ray you shut down was obviously the cause. Hopefully that will be the end of the Brood on Earth.

And hopefully that Queen/Sentinel won't be the end of you on the asteroid. She/it (dare you to say that fast) looks pretty dangerous. Best of luck.