Thursday, September 14, 2006

Hudson: my date with a hottie!

Oh boy, I’m going on a date with Erifia! Jon said so himself right on the Last Gladiator Standing. Jaba said so too! Getting to hear the news that we were going on a date was more exciting than I could ever imagine, and I have a swell imagination!

First things first, of course, I have to get myself ready. A good looking guy like me has to make sure he’s all clean and everything. I take a shower, shave, and then splash on a little bit of that Aqua Velva because there’s something about an Aqua Velva man.

It’s going to be dinner for two at Sky City, which is a totally cool huge outer space flying Love Boat. Love Boat’s right, if I play my cards right, this blue lady’s going to be all mine.

I was granted access to the main promenade after security thoroughly searched me and confiscated all of my weapons. I mean thoroughly. It was a little bit uncomfortable as they made me stand there in my underwear as they poked and pointed at me. Gosh darn that floor was freezing. I wasn’t going to let that bother me, though, I was here for fun, and fun is what I was going to have fun doing!

We were supposed to meet at one of the restaurants; I think it was called the Gilded Nugget or something. Anyway, I made my way there and I saw this totally hot totally blue chick just standing there so I walked right up to her and gave her my smoothest winning smile, I grabbed her hand and placed a gentlemanly kiss on it and said “My name is Private Bill Hudson, but you can call me Private McDreamy.”

The woman made a disgusted sneer and yanked her hand away. “Ewww, get away from me, creep.”

“Wha--? You’re not Erifia?” I asked (in a very manly way).

“Double ew, no get lost or I’m calling security!”


I turned around and saw her. This had to be her. “Erifia?”

She nodded yes!!!!

Er, I mean, she nodded yes. Gosh, I hope she didn’t just see that awkward exchange that I just had with that other hot blue chick. I leaned forward to shake her hand, she awkwardly tried to grab it, but it didn’t seem right, so we leaned towards each other for a hello hug, but she leaned right and I leaned left. We almost bumped but fortunately, I leaned right… unfortunately, she then leaned left. Finally, she grabbed my right hand with both of hers and shook it.

“I’m Private Hudson, but uh… er,” I stammered. Did I mention the complete and totality of her hotness? “I…uh… call me William – Willlie – er call me Bill.”

I felt like pounding my head right there, I’m so stupid, geez.

“Bill. I like that name,” she said real friendly-like. “You look very nice in your suit.”

“Oh yeah,” I answered. “You look great too. I like those two things you got there. Do they bounce up and down when you run?”


“The head tail thingies, do they bounce around and stuff or do you have a big hat for them or something?”

“Oh these,” she smiled. “These are my lekku. Twi’leks usually have two, but I have three.” She seemed to get rather sheepish when she said that.

“Oh, I like three,” I said enthusiastically. “It’s like you have one for each hand or something, plus one extra!”

She really smiled at that and I very gentlemanly maneuvered her to the host of the restaurant. After slipping him a cool fiver, he lead us to the nicest table there, right in front of the kitchen doors! We could watch the hustle and bustle of the wait staff as we ate our breadsticks.

I was real smooth when I ordered a bottle of wine. “We’ll have the Sarajevo 92, I hear that’s a very good year.”

I was then real extra smooth when I ordered appetizers. “We will have the oysters… make it the double sized plate.”

She just looked at me with a slight smile. I smiled back and she looked away nervously.

The wine was soon poured and we clinked glasses. I wanted to be extra, ultra smooth so I went for a toast. “Here’s to good friends,” I said. “Tonight is kind of special.”

She giggled!

Soon, our appetizers arrived and I took one and slurped it down. She just stared at me.

“You know what it means when you eat these, don’t you?” I asked.

She shook her head.

“It means you can eat anything!” I answered. “You shoulda seen some of the stuff I’ve eaten in the Corps. Onetime, Corporal Hicks had this Orwellian bloodworm on a plate, and he ordered me to eat it, and so I did because he’s a superior and he gave me a lawful order. So I ate it and it was totally cool. Nothing happened or anything except it felt like fire when I pee—er, nothing happened.”

She just stared at me. She must have been entranced by my manly charms and awesome awesomeocity.

She kept staring at me all through dinner. A couple times I almost told her to take a picture, but then I stifled it. Sometimes my wit can be a little too much for some people. Good thing I know when to turn it down to 11.

After dinner, I suavely led her to the dance floor and we slow danced to a sweet waltz. I was in heaven, it felt so nice! It was like I was dancing on air or something!

Later, after we left the restaurant, we were walking down the promenade (was it a promenade or an esplanade?) we saw some really nice shops and stuff.

“Oh look, a tattoo parlor!” I pointed and smiled. “Maybe you could get ‘I heart Hudson’ tattooed on one of your legoos!”

“Ah, no thank you,” she said kindly. “I couldn’t mar my body like that.”

“Just kidding,” I elbowed her in the ribs. She looked at my grin and gave a short laugh.

“Oh look, a massage parlor!” I pointed at another shop. “I wonder if we could get a massage with one of those happy endings, you know. You know what a happy ending is?”

“No,” She looked at me like she couldn’t believe what I said. “You don’t mean—“

“Ice cream!” I said gleefully pointing to the ice cream parlor next door. “I can’t think of anything that would make me happier than a big scoop of chocolate after a nice massage!”

“Uh, let’s just stick with the ice cream…” she suggested.

So we each got a cone. I’m not sure what kind of crazy flavor she got, but I got the usual – chocolate with sprinkles. Sometimes a guy’s just gotta have his chocolate.

So I was all totally gentlemanly and stuff and I walked her back to her ship. “I had a really great time tonight,” I said to her.

“Yeah, me too.”

I leaned forward to give her a kiss goodbye, but she held up her hand and said “Not on a first date.”

Score! Hudson’s gonna go on another date!

So I leaned forward to politely shake her hand, but then I stumbled a little bit. My hand flew forward and I accidentally touched her on her you-know-what! Right on her chestal region!

Oh geez, I’m so sorry.

(I wonder what Erifia's gonna say about the date. I bet it'll be nice, huh)


Darth Nepharia said...

Hudson, you might kick ass as a marine, but if you ever want to get that second date, we're going to have to get you into some finishing classes. :D

Vegeta said...

Umm wow such a ladies man :-)

Anonymous said...

Her Chestial Region. Is that part of our universe or part of the Borg Quadrant.

Anyway, she didnt shoot at ya so I guess a second date is in the works.


Hey Hudson , I hear that Nepharia gives lessons on how to better date women. Ya might look into that.

Wedge Antillies said...

So, Hudson, what is it like to be a perpetual 14 year-old boy? At least she left you without any bruises or marks. For youo, that is a good date.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Don't bet on it!

Captain Typho said...

No wonder the poor girl's so upset!

Private Hudson said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Private Hudson said...

Upset? What's she upset about?

Kon-El said...

zz Hmmm I don 't know. Maybe the fact, she had to spend time with you Huds Heh!