Monday, September 11, 2006

I stood in front of Demonoculous; the crowd was cheering. We had already been sparring for 20 minutes and it showed. We were both worn out from the match.

“You know why I wanted this ‘no holds barred?’” he asked.

“No, why?”

“So I could do this!” he pulled a laser gun out from behind his back and started firing wildly at me. He probably would have hit me, too, if he wasn’t so busy laughing madly while firing.

“I don’t mind ‘no holds barred,’ either,” I answered while dodging his errant blasts. “You know why?”

“No,” he stopped firing for just a moment. “Why?”

“So I could do this!” I fired at him with the sonic stun blast on my Wristcomm. He dropped his weapon as he howled and clasped his ears.

I followed up with several quick strikes and then landed an uppercut. He crashed to the ground, kicking up dust as he hit. The crowd stood and cheered even louder.

“The winner… JON!” the announcer yelled.

Later, as I was making my way back to the Danger Sled, a familiar figure stepped between me and my ship.

“You will not be getting on this ship, Earthman,” Lord EyeBorg cracked his knuckles. “I still owe you for plucking out my eye!”

“Dude, that was so long ago,” I said. “Give me a break; I’ve been here all day. I just want to go home and relax this evening.”

“Oh I will give you a break all right,” he answered. “I will break you in half!”

“Then let’s do this,” I answered. “Bring it on, Khan!”

Later, as the Danger Sled leaped into warp, I was looking at EyeBorg’s cybernetic eye skewered through a pencil.

“That was fun,” I sniffed. My knuckles sure were sore from the encounter.

Later, I snapped out of a short nap when I felt my ship being pulled out of warp. I looked at the readings and they were spiking. What did this?

“This is Captain V’oss,” the speakers on my space radio crackled. “Power down and prepare to be boarded!”

Great, space pirates. Somehow they got their hands on a military-grade interdictor. With that, they can just sit outside of the commercial hyperspace lanes, pull some of the smaller craft out, then rob the crew and passengers. Bunch of jerks.

“Oh please don’t hurt me,” I said into the mic. “I’m just trying to get home. I don’t have anything of value on board. Honest!”

“We’ll see about that!” replied the pirate. “Maybe we’ll just take your ship! Ha ha! Lower your shields and you may live.”

“OK OK,” I replied. “Just don’t blow me up!”

I lowered my shields and felt the pirate ship’s docking beam latch on. The Danger Sled shuddered as the umbilical clamped onto the side of its hull. Quickly, I gunned the engines and before they could react, I swooped around and launched a torpedo up the ship’s tailpipe.

“You bastard!” Captain V’oss yelled over the communicator before his ship exploded into a fiery ball of burning metal and plasma.

“Totally V’ossome,” I chuckled as I reengaged the warp drive.

Later, I got home. I walked through the backdoor and Shamrock jumped up in front of me. “Howya doin’ Sham?” I said as I scratched my dog behind her ears.

My wife walked up to me and gave me a kiss. “How was your day?”

“Heh, you know,” I said. “The usual.”

11 comments:

Wedge Antillies said...

Yeah, just another day at the office.

Jabafatboy said...

Now let me make sure I got this Right, Ya Kissed the Dod And Scratched the wife behind the ears ?

Or Ya Kissed The Dog Behind The ears And Scratched the Wifes Behind ?

Or ya Kissed The Wifes Ears And Scratched The Dogs Behind ?

IM SO CONFUSED !!

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Uh, number two, Jaba. Yeah...

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

I hate it when Ihave borign days at the office alos. I feel your pain man.

Professor Xavier said...

You took the guy's same eye? That's cold, even for an Intergalactic Gladiator. You could have at least taken his other eye. Then he could get a matching set.

Erifia Apoc said...

Sounds about right. That's a normal day for me too.

Vegeta said...

That's what I call Tuesday.

Lori said...

Refresh the page 100 times for a secret message??....Ohhhhhhhhhh.....ohhhh!!!....LOL


Have a great day!!!

Local Henchmen 432 said...

Ha

Black Widow said...

Hmmm

Darth Nepharia said...

All ways makes for a fast day. Beats sitting around doing nothing.