Friday, September 15, 2006

Party at Sky City

Hudson was already on Sky City as he had a date with the lovely and multi-talented Erifia Apoc. Before the date, I made Erifia promise that she wasn’t going to kill the marine. Begrudgingly, she agreed. In my defense, I’m not the one who set up the date, J’onn Sinew Nu thought it up because he was planning on producing a Blind Date-type show. It took all I could do to convince him not to actually film the date with hidden cameras, but he finally conceded after I assured him that I would try to get Queen Galacta to show up at the Intergalactic Gladiator Entertainment’s next pay per view (order it today! Operators are standing by!).

I was pretty sure that Hudson wasn’t going to get killed, but I also wanted to get to Sky City in case anything bad happened. By pure coincidence, Vampirella was having a little bit of a shindig at Sky City as well. Funny; sometimes the universe just works like that.

I landed the Danger Sled and made my way on board, but before I could get into the main resort area of the ship, I was stopped by the security guards at the entrance.

“Hand over all weapons and prepare to be searched,” said Ike.

“Ngg,” Mike just grunted.

“You got it, Hanzie and Franzie,” I said. I unbuckled my gun belt and handed it over with the two pistols still clipped to their holsters. “Take good care of Betsy and Winona while I’m away, OK?”

Ike took the weapons and Mike grunted again. I started to go through the doors but Ike halted me again.

All of your weapons,” Ike insisted. Mike grunted a third time.

“What this?” I indicated to my Wristcomm. “This is just my communicator. It’s mostly harmless, really.”

“I don’t think so,” Ike pressed while Mike grunted. “Hand it over.”

“OK guys, I’m with you here.” I unhooked the clasps and handed the comm over. Gosh, I almost feel naked without it.

“Have a nice stay at Sky City,” Ike grunted, Mike grunted as well.

“Thanks Heckle and Jeckle,” I waved after I went through the door. “I’ll see you fellas later.”

They grunted back at me.

I made my way through the corridor until I saw Hudson sitting on a bench. He was trying to look nonchalant, but he was in obvious pain. I don’t believe that the word “nonchalant” is in his dictionary anyway.

“Hudson!” I called out. “How are you doing? How did the date go?”

“Hi Jon,” he answered in sort of a downtrodden way. “The date went really well. We ate, we danced, we had ice cream. It was a really nice date…”


“Until I accidentally touched one of her… uh… you know…” he started making the universal symbol for a well-developed chest.

“Her breast?”

“Yeah, shhhh. Geez, don’t yell it out already,” he went from glum to extra glum. “I thought it was going so well, too. We were even gonna have a second date. Now the next time she sees me, she’s probably gonna kill me.”

“That’s too bad.” I sat down next to him. “You know, it probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway, she’s an angsty Twi’lek Jedi from this galaxy, and you’re a tough-as-nails Colonial Marine from a place far, far away from here.”

“Yeah, I guess,” he moped.

“You know what, there’s a great nightclub here,” I gave him my best roguish grin. “Why don’t we head there and take in a little of the action?”

“OK, that sounds swell.”

Shortly, I was sitting at the bar drinking a Mandalorian Genuine Draft and watching Hudson move in towards one of the patrons at the bar. He said something to her and she replied by splashing her drink right into his face.

“What happened?” I asked after he slinked back to me.

“Aw, I just said ‘Oooh, naughty kitty, wanna come out and play?’ then she did that,” he complained as he wiped his face off with a cocktail napkin.

“That’s funny,” I replied over the dance music. “I would’ve thought that she’d like that line.”

“Yeah, well, she was a little too crazy for me, I think. Did you see the way she twists her back all crooked when she talks?”

“Yeah,” I answered. “Not your type.”

“Nope, definitely not,” he convinced himself, and then stepped out to find another victim.

A few minutes later, he walked back to me rubbing his arm.

“What happened?” I asked.

“She punched me in the arm!” he moaned. “Boy did that smart.”

“You know, if there was one piece of advice that I could give to you, it would be never try to pick up a Klingon,” I said to him. “Not worth your time. Seriously.”

“Boy, you’re tellin’ me.” He walked away towards his next alleged conquest.

Shortly, he came back rubbing a red welt on his face.

“Man, I’m never going near a telepath again… ever!” he said.

“What did you say to her?” I asked.

“Nothing! I didn’t say anything! She just slapped me right in the face!”

“You know, this is starting to get silly,” I stifled a laugh. “You’re having the worst luck tonight.”

“I know,” he answered. “It usually isn’t like this. OK, I see someone who I think I know. I’ll be right back!”

I watched him step towards the dance floor, someone stepped in front of me.

“Vengeance will be mine!” he growled at me. “You plucked out my cybernetic eye, then you plucked it out again!”

“EyeBorg? What the hel are you doing here?” I demanded. “I was just starting to have fun and you have to come by and make me feel all bad and stuff.”

“Oh, I’ll make you feel bad alright!” he answered. “Feel bad with pain!”

“I mean come on, man,” I said. “You came all the way here just to pick a fight with me?”

“That is correct human,” he growled back. “I will end your puny existence once and for all!”

Shortly thereafter, medical personnel dragged away Lord EyeBorg’s unconscious body. I looked at his cybernetic eye skewered on a cocktail toothpick, then looked up at Hudson. He seemed to be limping.

“Man, this is just not my night,” he said. “I know Jamie Sommers from OSI, so I went up and said hi. She then challenged me to an arm wrestling competition and threw me over a table.”

I shook my head and chuckled. “You’re right, Hudson, this just isn’t your night. What’s up with that?”

“I don’t know, I just—” He stopped talking as a bright light snapped in our direction.

“Hey everybody, I got a special surprise for you tonight!” the DJ said gleefully. “We have a real celebrity visiting us tonight!”

Hudson held up his hands. “Oh well I--”

“Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator everybody!” the DJ announced. “Come on up here, Jon!”

“Oh I don’t want to… OK.” I moved past Hudson, across the dance floor and hopped up onto the small stage next to the DJ.

“What brings you here all the way from Dirt?” he asked.

“Oh, I’m just here for a little party,” I said. “And it’s not ‘Dirt,’ it’s ‘Earth.’”

“That’s great,” smiled the DJ. “Hey do you want to sing for us tonight?”

“No no, I couldn’t,” I shook my head politely.

“Who wants to hear Jon sing?” The crowd cheered wildly.

“OK, OK, ya got me,” I chuckled.

“Two girls for every boy

I bought a ’34 wagon and we call it a woodie
Sky City, here we come
You know, it's not very cherry, it's an oldie but a goodie
Sky City, here we come
Well, it ain't got a backseat or a rear window
But it still gets me where I wanna go

And we're goin' Sky City, 'Cause it's two to one
You know we're goin' Sky City, gonna have some fun
Yeah we're goin' Sky City, 'cause it's two to one
You know we're goin' Sky City, gonna have some fun, now

They say they never roll the streets up, ‘cause there's always something goin'
Sky City, here we come
You know, they're either out surfin' or they got a party growin'
Sky City, here we come
Well it's two swingin' honeys for every guy
And all you gotta do is just wink your eye

And we're goin' Sky City, 'Cause it's two to one
You know we're goin' Sky City, gonna have some fun
Yeah we're goin' Sky City, 'cause it's two to one
You know we're goin' Sky City, gonna have some fun, now
two girls for every boy

And if my woody breaks down on me somewhere on that Sky Route
Sky City, here we come
I'll strap my board to my back and hitch a ride in my space-suit
Sky City, here we come
And when I get to Sky City, I'll be shootin' the curl
And checkin' out the parties for Sky City girls

And we're goin' to Sky City, 'cause it's two to one
You know we're goin' to Sky City, gonna have some fun
Ya, we're goin' to Sky City, 'cause it's two to one
Ya, we're goin' to Sky City, gonna have some fun, now
Two girls for every
Two girls for every boy”

“Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator, everybody!” the DJ yelled.

“Thank you, thank you. You’re great, I mean it!” I said as everyone applauded me.

I made my way back to the bar where the bartender served me up a fresh beer.

“How could you do that?” Hudson looked at me.

“Oh it was pretty easy, I just substituted the word surf for sky.”

“No, I'm talking about two girls for every boy,” Hudson sniffed.

“Uh, don’t let it bug ya, Hudson,” I answered after a gulp of beer. “You know it’s just a song.”

“Oh thank you for coming,” Vampirella seemed to have appeared from out of nowhere. “I hope you two are having a great time.”

“We sure are!” said Hudson.

“Yeah, it’s been great,” I added. “Thanks for having us.”

“Well that’s really good, boys. I have to be going, there are a lot of guests for me to say hello to,” she smiled. Then she lightly touched Hudson on his chin. “Bill, it was really, really nice to see you again.”

Hudson and I stared at the statuesque vampire as she sexily slinked to the door.

“Uh, Jon, I’ll be back…” Hudson ran towards the door.

Here we go again, I thought.


Wedge Antillies said...

Too much fun, my friend. How come I never get invited to parties like that? Oh yeah, different galaxy.

One of these days Hudson is going to get more than just slapped for his behavior. (Take it from personal experience.)

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Uh, Wedgie, this is taking place in your galaxy. Don't you see Sky City flying around somewhere?

Anonymous said...

Wedgie you are invited sweetie... just watch out for AOC

and Hudson when a klingon hits you they want some love didnt you know?

Private Hudson said...

Well yeah, but why'd she have to hit so hard? That really smarts.

Lilith said...


Mirai Trunks said...


Jean-Luc Picard said...

That's what I call a party!

Noel of Neptonian said...

I'm glad you had fun.

Skywalker said...

Didn't know you could sing. man.

Gyrobo said...

If he comes back with two puncture marks on his neck, you can borrow my bronze stake. My wooden stake is in the shop; gluing accident.

Darth Nepharia said...

Damn! I missed the song. Would have loved to have seen that.

Cyclops said...

I don't think that guy's name is Wedgie. If it is, he must really have some parental issues.