Another Vampire!

OK, there probably shouldn't be an exclamation mark after the word vampire. We were all expecting another one, weren't we? I guess the only question would be when, where, and what it would be next.

And there she was.

When you think about it, you had to figure that she was a vampire. She's so pale and always squinty. Obviously a creature who should not see the light of day.

Also, that voice. Like rusty, squeaky talons raking down an evil chalkboard. That shrill sirening has got to be used to summon her evil bat minions. Well, either summoning bats or screwing up their sonar.

"Hello," I said. "The Count sent you?"

"That's right," she replied. "I am here to destroy you, mortal!"

She attacked, but of course I was prepared. I pulled out the wooden stake that I had with me and quickly stabbed her in the chest.

Nothing happened.

"You didn't crumble into dust," I said stunned. "You're still alive!"

"Oh I'm fine," she replied. "though, er, I've just had a rather graphic shag flashback. You do have a genuinely gorgeous bottom."

She took a swipe at me and knocked me back. Quickly, I remounted my attack and stabbed her once again.

Once again, she still stood there.

"Unbelievable!"

"Have a candy bar for your trouble," she said to me. "And thanks again for thinking of us."

"What?"

She swiped at me with her claws and knocked me to the ground. She dove for a killing blow but I managed to roll away from her.

"I despise a floggin' rooster," she growled. "Hold still!"

"Well I gotta admit I'm not so fond of vampires that don't die," I answered. I dodged another attack and stabbed her once again in the chest.

She looked at the stake in her chest. "What did you expect?" she asked. "You just take credit for killing a vampire and then everything would be fine and dandy?"

"Well, I was kind of hoping that you'd get the point that I'm trying to make. Wooden you just die?" I know, I know. I need better action hero lines.

She attacked again. Careful to avoid her bite, I pulled the stake out of her chest and stabbed her one more time.

She looked down at the stake.

"You had me at hello," she said.

Then she crumbled into dust.