Where was I?

Oh yes, the lame vampires. Sorry that I haven't posted about them for a couple days. Everyone must be jonesing for the next installment. I know I am.


So look at this one. I don't even know what this thing is. He looks like some kind of goofy Scandinavian Jim Carrey or something. I quickly dispatch him and move onto the next vampire.


Now this guy to my left is more like it. He has this menacing countenance; he really looks like he could bite my neck and drink my blood. This guy just reeks of being a vampire. I'm sure he's got the whole vampire thing down, the big fangs, the "I vant to suck your blood" bit, the coffin. Everything.

Quickly I spring into action. Armed with a cross and wooden stakes, I subdue my enemy.

"Tell me about the Count!" I demand.

"Never!" he hisses.

I push the cross into his skin. With a sizzle, the unholy undead dermis begins to burn.

"Aaaaaaaah!" the vampire wails.

"Tell me about the Count!" I demand again.

"I cannot!" he spits at me. "I know not who he is!"

"What?"

With his giant eyes aimed at the cross, he continues. "The Count hired me to destroy you. I've never seen him!"

"Hired you? What could he pay you?"

"Status!" the vampire howled. "He promised us status in the world of the undead!"

"Where can I find the Count?" I press the cross close to his bone white flesh.

"Aaargh! I do not know!" he groaned in response. "I know he has a castle in --"

"Where?" I yell.

But it was more than the vampire could take. Even the cursed undead have survival instincts and with a flash, he knocked the cross aside. As fast as quicksilver, he leapt up and flew at me with evil and vengeance in his eye.

I rolled back with his attack, letting the monster's momentum carry him over me. He tumbled to the ground, stood up and howled again.

Then he stopped and looked at the stake in his chest.

He howled and exploded into a pile of dust.

Scratch one low level vampire.