Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Castle Dracula!

The main doors to Castle Dracula opened up into an enormous foyer, filled wall to wall with vampires. The thirsty bloodsuckers were noisily talking amongst themselves, describing their conquests and drinking goblets full of blood mixed with red wine.

Suddenly, the front doors exploded! Through the shattered ruins of what once was the grand entrance, stood Private Hudson. Smoke was wafting from the grenade launcher slung under his M41A Pulse Rifle.

"knock knock, bloodsuckers," he said with an air of bravado.

Some vampires howled, others bared their fangs and launched themselves at the Colonial Marine.

I came in through the door behind him, firing my own M41A to the left, while Hudson fired to the right.

"pretty sweet, huh?" Hudson yelled above the chatter. "You can go through 95 rounds with these babies like nothin'!"

"Yeah!" I said, cutting down the vampires trying to launch themselves at me. "Pretty noisy, though huh?"

"What?" asked Hudson, still firing.

I said 'they're pretty noisy, huh?'" I yelled.

"I can't hear you!" Hudson shouted back, firing away at everything moving. "It's noisy!"

Hudson continued to fire, smirking at his own cleverness.

Something big was definitely going on here. It seemed like some endless swarm of vampires rushed us. Like a hydra, if we cut down one, two would take it's place.

After an uncountable number of rounds were fired from our weapons, it seemed like we exhausted their ability or desire to come after us. Some vampires, sat huddled on the ground. Evidently the silver nitrate filled into the hollow points of the ammunition didn't outright kill them and was slowly doing the job instead.

I looked around at the carnage everywhere. I took no joy in the destruction of life, yet these creatures were dead. Why did my grim mission leave me feeling so hollow?

Hudson looked at me. "Which way to the main vamp?" he asked.

"I don't know," I said. I kicked a vampire where he lay groaning. "Where's Dracula?" I asked.

"Unggh," the vampire groaned in reply.

"I need a better answer," I kicked him again.

"Ungh, up the stairs. The count sleeps in his coffin in his main chamber," the vampire clutched his side.

"Sleeps?" I kicked him again.

"Nnngh," he groaned. "It has been told for centuries that Dracula will rest until the New millennia. At that time, he will rise again to conquer the land of the living."

I looked at Hudson. Hudson shrugged and looked at the vampire "you realize that was almost 6 years ago, Nimrod?" Hudson kicked him for emphasis.

"A lot of us showed up then, but he didn't rise from his sleep," the vampire tried to explain. "More and more vampires showed up, but still, Dracula did not awaken."

"So you just had a party?" I asked.

"we were waiting for our master to rise and lead us!" he mewed. "Blood and glory was to be ours! We waited and waited, but still he sleeps."

I had enough exposition, I stabbed him with a wooden stake and he crumbled away. With our weapons ready, we went up the staircase and into the King of Vampires' chamber.

The door slowly creaked open. Hudson and I peeked in. The room was a silent shrine to Dracula, his coffin was in the middle with candles around it.

"Game over for Dracula!" Hudson screamed and aimed his weapon at the coffin.

"Who dares disturb the sleep of Count Dracula?" boomed a voice from the shadows.

"D-D-Dracula?" cringed Hudson.


Karnov said...

I wasn't sure if vampires could feel an ass-kicking. I guess your ass-kickings are special. On a side note, I was very disappointed with the 5th Element. It had absolutely nothing to do with boron.

Professor Xavier said...

Ooh, spooky!

The thing I like best about the M41A is that you never have to reload. Definitely an excellent feature of all weapons designed and manufactured by Hollywood Munitions, Inc. How they do it, I have no idea.

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

I think after all this undead murder and mayhem, you're going to have to go volunteer at the newborn ward in the local hospital, just to get some sense of balance back

Private Hudson said...

Professor, the M41A Pulse Rilfe has a capacity for 99 rounds, although I usually only fill it with 95 to prevent jamming. Hollywood Munitions has some great stuff, though, I agree.

Anonymous said...

you have waken Dracula....

We would have been there but its *Sprok*'s fault lol :P

Superhero Bob said...

whoa...feels more like Halloween than Christmas! Freaky!

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