Monday, December 19, 2005

Transylvania 6-5 Oh Oh Oh!

Private Hudson and I did several flyovers of Castle Dracula in the Danger Sled. Flying at the upper reaches of the atmosphere with all the sensors sweeping the area provided decent readout of the surrounding area. All I could tell of the castle though, was that it was a dark castle with a lot of activity going on around it.

We gathered as much intelligence that we could from the sky, but nothing beats good HUMINT -- human intelligence. This takes me back to my Army days when I worked with Special Forces (I wasn't a Green Beret, but I worked for them). Hudson was hopping and ready to go and we landed in an area several miles form the castle to avoid detection.

Between us and the castle stood an encampment. As we drew nearer, we discovered that it was a coven of vampires. As quietly as we could, we snuck up on the bloodsuckers, very carefully staying downwind and out of sight.

"A lot going on at the castle, huh?" said one.

"Always," replied another. "There's always something going on at Castle Dracula."

Hudson clapped his hand over his mouth to keep quiet.

"Heh," chuckled still another. "There's more happening than usual. Something big's coming up. Something real big."

The vampires laughed at the notion. One bit into a big rat that he was holding.

"If it's big, I want in," said the Second vampire. "I'm sick of sitting around the countryside doin' nothing."

"Yeah, we're vampires," a Fourth joined in. "We own the night. Damned humans are our prey. We should destroy them all!"

A Fifth vampire, a female, stepped from the darkness and laughed with the Fourth. "Yeah!"

"No, we can't destroy them all," the Second corrected. "They are our food. What else would we eat?"

The one holding a rat held it up. "Rats?" he asked.

"Disgusting," sneered One. "We are vampires, the ultimate predators! And there you sit, chewing on filthy vermin! That is why you have no power."

"But I'm hungry," answered the rat-eating vampire.

"You need blood of the strong-willed to--" the vampire stopped and sniffed the air. "What's that smell?"

Another sniffed the air. "It's disgusting!"

Still another sniffed. "It's revolting."

"Garlic!" shouted the Second. "Who dares?"

From our hiding spot, I could see Hudson shift uncomfortably. "Oh man, I shouldn't've had all that garlic on my pizza for lunch!" he whispered.

"It's OK," I assured him. "They won't be able to pinpoint us here. Just keep low and keep quiet."

"Over there!" shouted the First.

"Humans!" shouted the Third.

"Food!" shouted the Fourth.

"Get them!" commanded the Second.

Suddenly, Hudson jumped from behind his hiding spot and started firing at them with his pulse rifle. More vampires swarmed on us, but Hudson's automatic fire was taking them all down.

"Come on!" screamed Hudson. "Come on you bastards! Come on you too! Oh, you want some of this? Game over, you blood sucking bastards!"

I was not unarmed, I fired wooden crossbow bolts through as many vampires as I could, but the carnage caused by Hudson was something you'd have to see to believe. As vampires left and right were getting hit by rounds from his weapon, their veins would then swell and burst and the monsters would crumble away.

"Come on!" Hudson continued to scream. "Come on you bastards! Come on you too! Oh, you want some of this? Take that! Take that! Take that!"

Finally, there was one left. He was pinned to a tree with one of my bolts just above the heart. I don't know if Hudson ran out of ammo or not, but he stopped firing.

"What were you shooting them with?" I asked.

"Silver nitrate," Hudson smirked.

"Messy," I said looking around at the smoking piles of dust. "I need to get me some of that."

"Well, well," Hudson was getting tough. "Looks like we have ourselves a rat eater. Hey Rat Eater, what's going on up the road at Dracula's house, huh?"

"I don't know," the vampire snarled. "Ugggh, your breath is disgusting!"

Hudson looked at me "I say we grease this rat..."

The vampire's eyes popped wide. "Let's not get hasty, here," he tried to coax.

"You're going down, vamp," I said. I don't like to get all tough guy on a wounded opponent, but come on, he's a vampire.

"Look look look," Rat Eater pleaded. "I know there's something big, but I just don't know what. It's spook central there, man. It's a regular vampire's ball, and everyone's invited. You step in there, you're not going to step out alive."

"I'll take my chances," I gritted my teeth. "Dracula wants to hunt me? I'm taking it to his house."

We turned and walked away from the vampire, Hudson held out his hand and I slapped him five.

"You stupid humans!" the vampire snarled. "You sun worshipers are nothing but food! Dracula will string you up and drain your blood slowly! You'll beg for your life, and he'll hurt you more! You beg for your death and he'll hurt you more still! You're nothing to him! You're food! A speck of dust!"

I stopped and turned to him.

"Did you say dust?" I asked.

A wooden bolt flew from my crossbow and struck him in the heart. With a howl, Rat Eater crumbled to dust.

(Also, please look below to see my responses to Friday)


Anonymous said...

you have no idea what you are walking into

Captain Berk said...

I had a Vampire try and attack me once. She was the Queen of a whole planet full of them.

Naturally, she fell in love with me. We mated and she tried to bite my neck.

Good job I wore my biggest collars just in case...

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Vampirella, I assume that I'm walking into a castle full of vampires. All in a days work.

Capt. Berk, thank's for the disturbing image, but I'm glad you've got protection -- namely your collar.

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Hey, wow, Hudson was pretty dang smart today. I think you should give him a promotion, or at least offer to take him gun shopping after this mission

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Why is it male vampires look so ugly?

flu said...

Hey, Jon.

Vampirella has a message for you. She's with me here in my ship right now - zipping across the galaxy to try to get the message to you before it's too late.

uh... and I don't know why she doesn't just leave it here in a comment, but she's easy on the eyes, so I'm playing along.

Anonymous said...

lol... Because Fluke he has to see the pictures from the mirco-film hiself

besides does he have the invitation? no I do and unless he has it he wont go in unnoticed.....

lol ;);):P

flu said...

well, there you have it.

rashbre said...

I've set my collars high tonight whilst reading this and have sprinkled garlic in my hair.

The microfilm of Vampirella could one of those carrot and stick tricks so be careful.

Michele warned me to be careful here this evening.

Over and out.


Professor Xavier said...

The great thing about fighting vampires, I am assuming since I've never met one, is that there is absolutely no reason to have any compunctions about killing them. In fact, since they're undead, you aren't really killing them. It's practically your duty to destroy them. And so I say - Good Hunting!