Thursday, December 15, 2005

Whilst visiting Sunnydale...

I browsed through the racks of "I Survived Sunnydale" T-shirts and bobblehead vampires in the convenience store, the clerk watched me but didn't say anything. I guess the people in this area have gotten used to demons crashing through their storefront windows.

Hudson looked up from the Girls With Guns magazine that he was leafing through when Buffy walked through the door followed by a nicely dressed gentleman wearing glasses.

"I'm Rupert Giles," the man stuck out his hand to shake mine. "I was Buffy's Watcher, and am basically what's left of them."

"Watcher as in Highlander Watchers, Vampire Slayer Watchers, or the Watchers that hang with the Fantastic Four Watchers?" Hudson asked.

"And you must be Private Hudson. I've heard much about you."

With the introductions out of the way, I explained my situation to Giles.

"Very interesting," he said while absently chewing on the earpiece of his glasses. "I have to assume that this Count that you are referring to is none other than Dracula."

"Isn't he just a legend?" I asked.

"Oh no," Giles replied. "In fact, we've tussled with him here in Sunnydale, or er, what once was Sunnydale. He is a powerful vampire, but he is not impossible to destroy."

"Well, then let's do it!" Hudson cocked his M41A Pulse Rifle. "Rock and Roll! Game over for Dracula, man!"

"Your weapons won't harm him," interjected Buffy. "He's fast and powerful, and as formless as smoke."

"Yeah, well, let's see how formless he is after I cut him to pieces with a little 10x24-mm explosive-tipped," was Hudson's reply. Then he thought about what he said. "Wait, I mean--"

"I'm not going to fight him unprepared," I interrupted. "And I definitely could use the company."

"I am afraid we cannot go," Giles answered. "We still have a job to do here. Though Hellmouth is closed, vampires and demons still roam the night. It is our job to finish them off here."

"Besides, if he's going," Buffy wrinkled up her nose in disgust at Hudson. "I'm not."

"Very well." I thought for a moment. "Is there anyone else who you would recommend?"

"There is Blade," answered Giles. "But he is such a pill, you definitely would not want him for company."

"Oh yeah, Grumpy McGroucho," added Buffy.

I looked at Hudson. "I guess it's just you and me then, Marine."

Hudson cocked his weapon again. "You got it."

"Where are we heading?" I asked Giles.

"Where else? Transylvania."


Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

I think you should call this guy named Van Helsing. And if he agrees to help you, let me know, I'm sure I could get some time off to help him, uh, you.

Anonymous said...

Fool hearted Jon
yes come dear you have no idea what will be waiting

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Holy cow, it's Vampirella!

You are a good guy, right?

Karnov said...

Simon Belmont would be good to get on the speed dial. "Chips and dip! Chips and dip!"

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Whoever she is, I think she might get added to Pvt. Hudson's list of women he's loved. And I hope she's a good guy, for your sakes. She'd be a very distracting bad guy/gal.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Before he was Buffy's Watcher, he used to advertise coffee on English tv.

Anonymous said...

well I am not evil... However sometimes being bad is fun... but it seems that in the spirit of Lilith I cant be too bad

hmmm can Pvt Hudson stop licking my boots (I think he likes the whole "yes mistress" thing lol wink wink)

flu said...

I can't find diddly about silver bullets affecting vampires.

...well, except for giving them tummyaches and hangovers after a night of drinking too many.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Lt. Cmd Oneida -- were you referring to the old, wheelchaired Van Helsing of legend or the young, longhaired Van Helsing of bad movie?

Karnov -- Simon Belmont is from a video game, silly. This is real life.

Captain Picard -- Interesting, but he doesn't look like Juan Beldez to me.

Vampirella -- When you're done with Hudson, please don't incinerate him. His mother would cry.

Fluke -- Try googling "silver killing vampires." If that fails, just go with the thought that the beer can pushed his heart out of his body and he died that way.

Anonymous said...

Yes but as you can see by the fotos in my blog my sister wont care

Superhero Bob said...

just wanted to let you know I'm making a comeback.

good luck vampire slaying!

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

the young,useful(ish), long haired VanHelsing, but seeing how chronic your problem's become, maybe you shouldn't be too picky

Professor Xavier said...

Personally my favorite vampire slayers were always Abbott and Costello. And they took on Frankenstein's monster and the Wolfman, too!

Obi-Wan Kenobi said...

Maybe you can try loadin up yer gun with garlic.

Chrixean said...

Hi, here from Michele's!

Interesting blog you've got here....:)

JoeC said...

Hello, Michele sent me. Keep on trucking dude! Have a nice weekend then. Cheers!

Carmi said...

Hiya Jon. Hola from Michele. I'm glad to see you haven't lost your touch for witty repartee and prose. Great reading, as always.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Ah...Anthony Stuart Head...

I'll just drool for a bit.

Here via Michele's!