Thursday, January 05, 2006

Jon Vs. Jon, the Fight.

(Evil Jon)(Good Jon)

Our the battle went as you might imagine. My counters matched his punches, his blocks matched my kicks. We were equals in every sense of the word.

I managed to grab his arm and toss him over my shoulder, and he quickly flips to his feet.

He sweeps my legs and I roll back to my feet.

The crowd was at first very enthused to see this take place. They became listless at the 25 minute mark when neither of us could gain advantage. They then grew distracted as we reached the 1 hour time limit.

My fists were sore from punching his fists. His knuckles were raw from punching mine.

We punched each other in the fists again.

"Just fall down, you panty-wearing sissy!" he growled. That was followed by a string of expletives that would burn your retina should you actually have been able to read it.

"Nasty," I replied. "I can't believe I would say something like that."

"Shaddap, you cake-eatin' mama's boy" Evil Jon snarled back.

Evil Jon tried a few nasty tricks, but I knew those were coming, too. I knew everything that he would do because it was something that I wouldn't. Every cheap shot and low blow was "telegraphed" by my "twin."

My whole right side felt like it was one big bruise, his right side seemed to match mine.

After the time limit, the bell rang and some of the beings in the crowd booed and hissed their dissatisfaction. We limped out of the arena in opposite directions. J'onn Sinew Nu was waiting for me.

"That was awesome!" he exclaimed. "A time limit draw never happens around here. What a magnificent performance. Oh just imagine the revenue we'll generate with the rematch! The T-shirts! The foam fingers! The action figures!"

Sinew Nu rubbed his hands together with glee.

"I can't believe you made this match!" I grunted. "Messing with the fabric of the universe is dangerous. On top of that, we now have an evil me running around here. Who's to say that he won't try to kill me to take my place?"

"Oh he wouldn't do that," harrumphed Sinew Nu. "He signed a contract."

"But he's evil," I tried to reiterate. "Who's to say that he's going to honor that contract?"

Sinew Nu was silent for a moment.

"He wouldn't do that," he said as-a-matter-of-factly. "Nobody would dishonor a contract like that. Well, maybe a lawyer."

I shoved Sinew Nu out of the way and limped into the locker room.

"Hey! Are you sure that you're the Good Jon?"


Master Yoda said...

Curious I am - Actually sign his contracts as "Evil Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator", does he?

Anonymous said...

This is Huttraldo Greveria:

First : Jon wich one of you will be the winner in this evil vs good match ?

And second : Does this microphone make my head look big?

The universe is anxiously waiting.

flu said...

that Sinew Nu is the really evil one...

Jon, how can you defeat your own evil mirror?

Wedge Antillies said...

Jon, were you really that good to begin with?

Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Good job, Jon, I think. Advil? And maybe your evil twin is a contract writing rules moneky (lawyer). Not that I dislike lawyers or anything :)

Anonymous said...

hmmm maybe the baby belongs to this evil jons

Revan said...

I tried to fight my good twin once. All he did was say, "I don't wanna fight. Lets be friends. Join the Light. After an hour of hearing about all the things I COULD have done, I sliced of his arm and gave him a force reverse wedgie!

Professor Xavier said...

Wasn't Jon v. Jon the main character from Les Miserables?

You know what Captain Kirk would do, right? He'd climb into a transporter with Evil Jon and merge with him, creating one super-Jon!