Hudson goes to the movies

The Lieutenant called me into his office this morning, which seemed unusual because he normally doesn’t call me into his office.

I snapped to attention two paces in front of his desk and delivered a frosty salute.

“Private Hudson reporting, sir!” I yelled sharply. The LT winced a little bit.

“Hudson,” he said. “I have a special mission for you.”

A mission? Cool.

“What’s the op, sir?” I asked. This is gonna be juicy, I just know it.

The Lieutenant reached into his desk drawer and pulled out a small metal box. He then pulled a key ring from his utilities pocket and selected one of its residents. He wedged the key into its slot in the strongbox. The lid popped open and the LT reached in.

Is it a map? Is it secret orders? Is it a communiqué from the Joint Chiefs? No, it looked like…

“I want you to go to this monkeyboy movie,” the officer said. “Go this afternoon. Here, take these tickets.”

“But sir,” I said. “I’m vital to this unit; I shouldn’t be running off to see a movie.”

The LT looked around suspiciously. Are we being monitored? “See, that’s the mission,” he said.

“To see a movie?”

“That’s right. Get going, it starts at 12:15.”

I looked down at the two tickets, why would the LT be sending me to a movie? How could this be vital to our mission?

“How is this vital to our mission, sir?” I furrowed my brow. “My job is pretty important here as assistant squad leader—”

“Assistant to the squad leader,” the lieutenant corrected. “See Private Hudson, what I’m trying to do is create a newsletter for our battalion stationed here on Hacknor. On top of having important news that the troops need, I want to include outside interests that would, uh, interest them. Like movie reviews and stuff.”

Me? A movie critic? I’ve never thought about being one before, I’ve always been a Colonial Marine and that’s all I want to be. But if the Lieutenant needs a critic, then I’m his man.

“I’ll do it,” I said. Let’s see, I have two tickets here. I guess I could take Cyclops. I kind of like him. He and I are a lot alike, except he lacks the military discipline that I possess. Wait a minute. One ticket’s for 12:15, the other is for 2:30.

“Uh, sir,” I said. “These tickets are for different times.”

“I want you to go twice,” he answered. “You know, so you can write a better review.”

“OK. That makes sense.”

So I got to the movie and sat down just as it started. Jo Jo’s theme played. Hey, that’s kind of catchy. Then Jo Jo popped up on screen and said “Howya doin’ buaauuuuuthhh?”

There were a handful of monkeyboys in the audience (I guess the rest were busy at work doing their sidekick stuff) and they all screeched happily when they heard that. Then they started yelling out catchphrases, too.

“I’m cuckoo for Banana Puffs!”

“You bet your sweet bippy!”

“That frosty mug sensation!”

“That’s rad!”

“And that’s the truth!”

“Did you get the memo?”

“Haaa! I kill me!”

“Aaah one and aaah twoo--!”

“This pudding is deeeeee-licious!”

“Whaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzuuuuuuuupp?”

“Know whut I mean?”

“This looks like a job for Bananaman!”

The movie remained silent and the monkeyboys in the crowd quieted down. The silence was a little bit overwhelming. I felt that I had to contribute to something.

“Game over, man,” I said. “Game over.”

All of the monkeyboys looked at me.

“Shhhhh,” they all shushed me in unison.